Quit Scamming Me

In any other instance, three job offers in one day would be pretty sweet. Of course, in my predicament (or any recent college grad's), I have to raise an eyebrow and question these proposals. Perhaps two eyebrows. Especially if they contacted me without seeing my musical cover letter. I mean, c'mon-- nobody contacts me otherwise.

However, my suspicions were initially overshadowed by mere excitement and curiosity. An email with "Job Offer for Monster Listing #(insert random number)" in the subject line set my double-clicking instincts on edge. My heart began to race. My hands got sweaty. Mom's spaghetti.

I guess they caught me off guard in my unemployed state. I picture these recruiters not as human beings, but as soulless entities, not unlike Agent Smith from the Matrix. Like a Venus Flytrap, these recruiters let out the sweet scent of a job offer which ultimately masked the terrible, terrible mandibles of (most likely) some cold calling or sales job. I've done cold calling and I'd rather gouge my eyes out. Thank God for the internet, Google and its most reliable anonymous employer reviews.

After several seconds of Googling these fine corporations, skepticism began to set in. I soon began to feel worse than before I even knew these offers existed. It was unflattering and almost offensive-- these companies trying to take advantage of me in my post-college-seeking-employment-in-a-crap-economy state.

One place had an average review of 1 star (out of 5) from over 30 reviews. One person actually said they'd rather poke their eyes out than work there again. Hey! We can relate!

So yeah, this is just my advice to those college grads who might be reading this and are currently job seeking. You're probably smart enough to know not to go for these types of offers, but you never know. Unless you've submitted an application to a place that contacts you with a proposal, don't take a job offer from them. Unless they're a well known company-- in which case jump on that.

I mean, c'mon-- what type of company would be looking to sign up inexperienced college graduates before even meeting them?